Tuesday, 20 December 2011

19 Years Missed

Aloha Sprinklerinos,

A sad one today.

Today is the 19th anniversary of my Mother's death. After a 2 year battle with cancer, she slipped quietly away around 6.15am and made her journey up to heaven. I like to think of her up there with my Gran, Ginge the cat, God, Jesus and the angels, all relaxing and eating their favourite foods (no calories in heaven- woop woop) and nattering away about the good times on earth.


(This photograph of me and her sits in my lounge and watches over our family)

19 years is a really long time. Long enough to move on you might think. To an extent, you'd be right. I don't get cut up when I hear people on the phone to their Mum, I don't want to cry when I see Mothers holding their children's hands and I don't break down when I listen to my friends whinge about how hard the Mother-Daughter relationship can be. It's normal, I'm used to it.

What does eat me up is that it's Christmas and I'm a Mummy now. A Mummy to the most wonderful baby you'll ever meet, and my own Mummy won't be here to see the smile on her face when she delights in ripping open her presents, when she tastes her first piece of turkey, when she wears a colourful christmas hat from a cracker and when she falls asleep in my arms because the day has been so full of excitement and magic.

She'll never get to hold my baby in her arms and enjoy watching her grow. She won't get to spoil her like my Gran did with pocket money for sweets from the corner shop. She won't ever sing to her, tell her jokes, kiss her knee when she topples over or listen to me babble on over the phone about the new things she's done that day.

On top of the loss I feel for Darcy, I feel another layer of my own personal loss. It was hard not having her (or anyone) see me come last (haha I'm so lame at PE) in sports day. It was rough not being able to run up to her with my A-Level results in hand, saying, "I'm going to uni! I'm going to uni!", and it was heart breaking planning my wedding and living out the big day with a Mum shaped hole. But having a child and experiencing Motherhood from the other side is the hardest.

Mostly I'm fine, wrapped up in a world of baby groups, tiny pairs of tights and onsies, bottles of milk and mind numbing musical toys. But then there are they days when I'd love to call her and ask her over for a piece of cake and a chat about nothing. And I can't. I never will.

There is a poem I found a couple of years ago, by an unknown author that I think is lovely and very apt.

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.


This little inconsequential spot on the interweb is dedicated to Diana Jane Pentland, who was and is My Mother.

x

145 comments:

  1. This is so sad babe :( hope your okay and that you have a great Christmas with your mother looking over you <3


    xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my this really touched me. Thanks for sharing,louise. i think youre an amazing and strong woman<3

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a beautiful poem Louise. I am going to copy it and save it for a friend who lost her mother just a few weeks ago. When the time is right I'll pass it onto her. I hope you and your lovely family have a wonderful Christmas together.

    Lx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bless you Louise. I think your mum would be extremely proud of you. I'm on the journey to become a mum myself (ahhh!) and I thank the heavens and the stars for my family. I know how special mums are and I reckon your mum must have been one of the best! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Amazing, you are such an amazing person and i bet your mummy is watching over you right now so proud of everything you are. Darcy is a very lucky little girl with such a wonderful mother. You've made your mum proud Louise, always remember that. Have a beautiful christmas xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. I know exactly how you feel. You summed it up beautifully.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can understand how hard it can be. I lost my Dad when I was very young, and even though I have a wonderful Step Father, it is still very sad.

    By the way Darcey looks so much like you as a baby. xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. That brought a tear to my eyes, the poem is beautiful. I hope you have a lovely Christmas Louise. X

    ReplyDelete
  9. So sad, such an emotional post! :( Hope you have a great Christmas with your beautiful little baba <3

    ReplyDelete
  10. Louise, i really feel for you, my mum lost her mum around 11 years ago and feels exactly the same. Stay strong and I'm sure your mum is watching you and your family, as a very proud mummy indeed xxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  11. I feel awful for you louise icouldnt imagine life withought my mum. That poem is beautiful and makes me so sad, i read that poem at my granmas funeral. You are an amazing mum and i hope you, darcey and matt have an amazing christmas and a fantastic new year xxx

    ReplyDelete
  12. What a beautifully written post, its brought a tear to my eye. Your mum will be looking down so proud of you, you have done brilliantly with Baby Glitter. x

    ReplyDelete
  13. You mum would be so proud of Lou. This post was so dearly written and I hope you, Darcy and your family have a really special Christmas together.
    Lots of Love
    Milly xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is a beautiful post about your Mum, Louise. I don't really know what else to say but I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas, New Year, 2012 and all the years to come! I know it's not really my place to say this but I'm sure your Mum would be so proud of everything you've done and will do. xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sending you so much love. Your words are so beautifully phased and I could feel your pain throughout that post. She's most certainly smiling down on you and little Baby Glitter whilst enjoying a calorie-free feast in heaven :) x

    http://boscy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Louise, you're one of those people who's gone through so much and come out smiling and I admire you so much for that. Your mum would be very proud of you and everything you've accomplished. xx

    ReplyDelete
  17. Such a beautiful post. I've always thought that the ones we have loved and lost spend their time watching over us. My Grandad often comes through in my dreams to talk to me about things that are going on in my life. I know it's probably just me dreaming away but I like to think it's his way of showing me his love is still as strong as ever. I don't know for sure but I'd say your Mum is looking down on you watching you blossom into the most amazing mother for Baby Glitter.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is so sad :( I had to stop half way through reading in order to remove my water filling up inside my eye balls. I dont know if this is going to sound evil but youre lucky you had time with your mummy and built some amazing memories, because there are many children who never know their mummys and daddys.
    I know your mum will never get to do them things with BG but you can do them for her, you can tell her about your mum so she will feel like she knows her as much as you do.
    BG is so lucky to have you as her mummy, I hope you, baby glitter and daddy glitter have an amazing christmas x

    ReplyDelete
  19. I don't know what to say. I'm sure your Mum would love this little dedication. Such lovely words and obvious love. Your posts and vlogs seem to make so many people smile and chuckle, that somehow, I'm sure your Mum must know and be ever so proud of who her little girl has become. Have an amazing Christmas with Baby Glitter!:)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Im sure if your mother was here she would tell you she loved you in a million ways:)

    ReplyDelete
  21. oh sweetie, your post is so touching, it brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine how difficult this time of year can be for you.

    I'm sure your mums watching you and baby glitter and smiling big happy smiles at every little thing you do together.

    *Big hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  22. So sad Louise, my wishes as with you, darcy and your family. Its so sad to hear and I can't imagine what its like
    Lots of Love
    xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  23. Beautiful post louise! I lost my mum in October 2010 :-( I have all these feelings to come.. Stay strong xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh Louise! This is such a beautiful post, so touching. Your Mum would be so proud of you. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your gorgeous baby girl. X

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is such a great(but sad!) post. Glad to see how well you deal with the loss though, it gives me hope that when i lose someone i'll be able to deal with it ok.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  26. this is so touching, there are tears in my eyes. i hope you're okay and i wish you all the best. x

    ReplyDelete
  27. I lost my mum 8 years ago almost and I understand when you say that you dont get completely cut up about it. Doesnt mean you dont miss her.

    Im sure she is having a whale of a time up there and is definitely watching down on you and Darcy!!! <3

    That poem also made me cry! Xx

    ReplyDelete
  28. Tears are streaming down my face Louise, this is such a touching and emotional post, a wonderful tribute to your wonderful Mother. I can most wholeheartedly say that you are such a terrific credit to your Mother, and I know her spirit lives on inside of you, and now Darcey. You're truly inspiring and strong, you've conquered so much and there is SO much magic and wonder in your future. Thinking of you today, and wishing you a very magical, wonderful Christmas.

    Lots of love xxxx Laura xxxx

    P.S. that poem is just beautiful, and I'm most definitely doing to save that xxx

    ReplyDelete
  29. awww Lou! Made me want to cry! you are so strong and such a brilliant Mumma, I am sure your Mum would be sooooooo proud, in fact, I'm sure she IS very proud because I reckon she is watching you and Darcy and loving watching you. You, Louise are a true inspiration! I hope you all have the most amazing Christmas and be rest assured that your Mum is watching the cute little smile on Darcy's face when she is ripping open her presents. Love and hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  30. What a beautiful post. I'm sure your Mum would be so very proud of you; you are a brilliant mother and seem like a lovely person. I hope you have an amazing Christmas with your lovely family.
    S xx

    ReplyDelete
  31. Also, I can see Darcy so much in that picture of you! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  32. this brought tears to my eyes too Louise, Makes me want to appreciate my mother more when i know some people don't have theirs :/

    ReplyDelete
  33. I have tears pouring down my face. Louise you are so truely amazing. You have touched my heart, I am sending a huge hug to you from myself.
    Your Mum is watching you and Darcey everyday, She can see what a wonderful beautiful daughter you have. See will be looking after Darcey everyday protecting her and also you.
    Lots of love and hugs and also a very merry Christmas and happy new year.

    xxxxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  34. Sorry *Darcy not Darcey , silly me. xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  35. Such a beautiful post, very touching. I'm sure mumma glitter would be extremely proud of the young lady you have become X

    ReplyDelete
  36. Such a beautiful post, made a tear come to my eye. I love the pic of you and your mum, so cute and I bet she would love seeing how like you Darcy is. I do believe she is looking down on you, and I know she will be super proud of the woman you have grown into and what a great mum you are. x x

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh sweetheart. I like to think of heaven like that too :)

    e x

    ReplyDelete
  38. This blog post brought tears to my eyes. I really hope that you and your family have a really lovely Christmas this year :) xxx

    ReplyDelete
  39. Beautiful post. I'm thinking of you and your family, and know that your Mum will be enjoying her calorie-less Christmas dinner in heaven, watching over everyone :) x

    ReplyDelete
  40. Such beautiful words to commemorate her! Thinking of you :) xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  41. Louise,

    Reading this, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. That poem is beautiful. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post. I'm sure your mother is so proud watching over you and baby Darcy. I'm sending the warmest wishes for a Happy Christmas and prosperous New Year.

    -Anh

    ReplyDelete
  42. Huge hugs! I've only done 2 years so far so am nowhere near as ok as you are. For me its tough when I do things for the first time, first job, graduation etc. I just know having a child will be incredibly hard, and you do so well! I'm sure our Mummys are up in heaven together having a good time. Sending lots of love to you xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  43. Aww Lou, this is such a well written post-made a few tears trickle out! I lost my brother 15 years ago now, I know it's not the same in any way as a mother, but there's still moments where I often wonder what he'd think etc! Big hugs xx

    ReplyDelete
  44. this is a beautiful post, and that poem is perfect xo

    ReplyDelete
  45. I am so sorry for your loss. i hope you are doing okay and have a great Christmas with Baby Glitter. That is such a beautiful poem.xxxx

    Zoe
    missirish93@hotmail.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  46. Oh Louise, what a beautifully written piece. Your mother will be so proud of you, I'm proud of you and I don't even know you! The poem has given me such comfort, I lost my dad last year and reading this is so humbling. I can only hope one day I will be as strong as yourself, I mean it when I say you really are amazing inside and out. Wishing you the happiest of Christmas's and hope 2012 is full of love,fun and happiness for you and all your loved ones.
    Helen

    ReplyDelete
  47. This was written so beautifully and from the heart.
    I bet your mum's so proud of you, you've done so well and you're raising Baby glitter amazingly, she's probably looking down on you saying to Jesus "That's my daughter down there with Darcy".

    You're so strong, and I really admire that.

    Have the most wonderful first Christmas with Darcy and Matt, because your mum and gran(and ginge the cat)are watching you :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  48. :( I'm rubbish with words, but what I will say is.. I bet she's beyond proud of you & the amazing family you have, and the life you've made for yourself. You're a fighter Louise!! <3 all my love. Merry xmas! xxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  49. Lovely post Louise! My mum died 6 years ago, around Christmas time too, so I can relate massively! I don't have children yet but I always think about how much of an amazing grandma my mum would be and i'm positive yours would be too! She'd be very proud of you and the very gorgeous baby glitter! I hope you, Matt and Darcy have a lovely Christmas!

    Lots of love
    Sophie xxx

    ReplyDelete
  50. Aw Louise this is such a lovely post, bet your Mum would be so proud of you and she's looking down on you and baby Glitter! Christmas is always hard when you've lost loved ones, we lost my Nan 18 months ago and it's still as raw as ever. Thinking of you and sending lots of love- disney princess ;) xx

    ReplyDelete
  51. Such a sweet post, I can't imagine how tough it's been not having a mum around. She must be so proud of you and I'm sure she's watching over you and Baby Glitter. Keep her memory alive by telling Darcy about her amazing grandmother, and on a slightly lighter note - your baby picture looks exactly like Baby Glitter! :)

    Lots of love xxx

    ReplyDelete
  52. Just sending you big hugs, hun!
    Have a lovely Christmas & New Year.
    Z xx

    ReplyDelete
  53. Reading this made me cry Louise. I'm so sorry for everything you've had to go through, and although I know words won't make it hurt less, I'm sure she'll be watching over you and your adorable and perfect family and be so proud of you for everything, especially being a wonderful Mother to Darcy. You're an unbelievably strong person Louise. My Grandad died 5 years ago after a battle with cancer and various other illnesses and I miss him terribly, and it gets worse at Christmas. But that poem was beautiful. My thoughts are with you xxx

    ReplyDelete
  54. What a beautiful post. It must have been so tough for you to lose your mum at such a young age.
    I bet your mum would be so proud of what you've achieved and what a lovely, fantastic person you are and what an incredible mum you are to Darcy.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you today :)
    x

    ReplyDelete
  55. Woah, it takes a lot for me to cry and you have me gushing right now. Your such a beautiful person Louise and I hope you and Darcy have an amazing Christmas, I'm sure your Mum's keeping an eye on you :) xxx

    ReplyDelete
  56. this is so sad :'(
    but i am sure your mum is looking over you and darcy and i'm sure she is so proud of you.
    i hope you are okay!
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  57. I think your mum is watching over you and Darcy feeling so proud. And i'm sure Darcy will love hearing about your mum throughout her life too.
    I hope Darcy has a lovely first Christmas xo

    ReplyDelete
  58. this literally brought a tear to my eye, I lost my mum in August this year and normally christmas is my favourite time of year, but i know my mum would want me to enjoy it and i know her and my nan will to be eating lots of chocolates with us on sunday <3 xxx

    ReplyDelete
  59. This made me cry :( but before you apologise! Don't! I think this post was beautiful and I believe your mother would be very proud of you :) you've brought a beautiful baby girl into the world(who looks exactly like you as a baby, may I add)and your a very successful blooger and youtube personality! But overall you are a beautiful beautiful person :) who brings happiness to many people :) thanks for being you louise :) Hope you have a great Christmas xxx

    ReplyDelete
  60. Oh god im blooming in tears , i dont know what to say ;-( i just wish u have a merry xmas and enjoy ur xmas day knowing ur momma is sat next to u in spirit xx

    ReplyDelete
  61. My heart goes out to Louise,,
    to an extend I feel your pain but I dont have children yet :(
    My thoughts are with you x
    Stacey x

    ReplyDelete
  62. I'm 15 and my best friend recently lost her dad to lung and kidney failure. I hope in 19 years time she's as strong and inspirational as you and maybe with a beauty of a daughter like yours too :) xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  63. my thoughts are with you and ur family this hard time

    hope u have a lovely christmas with darcy and matt xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  64. Such a beautifully written post, it brought a tear to my eye! Your Mum would be so proud of you!

    Sending lots of love and hugs your way xx

    ReplyDelete
  65. My thoughts are with you Louise, you have a wonderful spirit and I admire you so much for having the strength to share with your readers.
    Hope your christmas can still be magical, I'm sure baby glitter will be cuter and happier than ever :)
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  66. Such a beautiful post Louise. Your Mum would be so proud of you and the family you've created...especially the gorgeous little Darcy.
    Lots of love. xx

    ReplyDelete
  67. Beautiful post Louise!
    Darcy looks just like you when you were a baby + she looks like your mum

    ReplyDelete
  68. Your post really touched me. I'm so sorry about your mum. It's awful loosing someone. I'm sure she is so proud of you and watching over you always.

    Sophie x x

    ReplyDelete
  69. I am sending all my love your way!
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  70. Such a beautiful and well written post. It has really touched me and feel very teary! I agree with many of the other posts - I think she would be very proud of you! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  71. Your mum really is stunning!
    and you are the spitting image of baby glitter when you were younger!xx

    ReplyDelete
  72. oh louise..my tears are just rolling uncontrollably...i have lost an aunt who also had breast cancer and after 4 years of struggle and chemo and much much pain...she left this world...and a precious son who was born after much struggle and prayers...she had problems conceiving and finally after 18 years of her marriage to my uncle...she had the miracle that is with us today...but sadly...she left...and left the biggest hole in everyones' hearts... especially mine...as i considered her my mother... as soon as i read your post something got stuck in my throat like it always does when i remember her and it's not that i cry because i think oh GOD why did u take her away...these tears roll because i miss her so much... my uncle re-married 8 months after she passed away...her son has gone totally out of control and very very moody as he hit puberty recently ...so partially due to teenage hormones i guess...and mostly because he lost his loving mom...but we try to take care of him as much as we can ...but unfortunately noone can ever take a mother's place... i hope u are always and always and always there for Darcy, Louise...u are my favorite person on youtube! muahs

    ReplyDelete
  73. Louise,
    You have touched my heart and spoken what aches me constantly. I'm taking this post as a sign that I should tell you how much you've inspired me to get out of the catatonic state I was in emotionally.
    Thank you for sharing this.
    You've made a Louise shaped placed forever in my heart.
    Love and Luck to you and li'l Darce.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I'll be thinking of you all over Christmas
    I've always wished I was able to meet my grandparents. xx

    ReplyDelete
  75. Darcy is the image of you in that photograph <3 Im sure your mum is very proud of both of you. Wishing you a lovely Christmas xx

    ReplyDelete
  76. Aw Louise this was so touching:( And that poem is wonderful. I'm sure your Mum would be very proud of the person you have become, keep smiling! Hope you all have a lovely Christmas:) xx

    ReplyDelete
  77. this made me really realise how lucky I am to have my mum and how I don't always appreciate it.

    Your a great mum and its said that we are the same mum that our mums were so I can only imagine she was great too.
    This was a very brave post and you should be proud of yourself.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  78. This was such a touching post, I am crying writing this! I do believe that your mum will be watching down on you and your beautiful daughter, and will be proud of you both <3

    Merry Christmas honey xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  79. Look at all these comments Louise! You've got so much support, I have tears in my eyes reading this. You're mummy will definitley be sending you, baby glitter & Matt a perfect Christmas, stay strong beautiful xxx

    ReplyDelete
  80. Thank you for sharing this with us. The way you've created such a beautiful life is truly inspiring and your Mom couldn't be anything but proud of you. Hugs and love!

    ReplyDelete
  81. This was very moving, well done for being brave enough to share this and I'm sure that she would be very proud of you <3

    ReplyDelete
  82. I'm so sorry for all the hard things you've experienced, and thank you so much for feeling as though you can share this with us all. You are an amazing inspiration, and a real great role model! Your mother would be so, so proud of you Louise! You make an excellent mummy, one of the best, and I'm sure she's looking down on you with her heart bursting with pride! xo

    ReplyDelete
  83. aww this made me cry! I was going to email you personally about what I'm going to say but i thought i would share this as it might bring others comfort.

    I read a fascinating book called "Angels watching over me" by Jacky Newcomb, its about people who have passed away and coming back to visit and leaving messages. It brought me great comfort to know that life continues after death and even if you don't believe in that stuff it is a lovely read and i think everyone would relate to it.

    Merry Christmas

    Lesley
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  84. Such a wonderful yet sad post Louise. Your Mum would be so, so proud of you and of beautiful little Darcy. Hope you have the loveliest Christmas with Baby Glitter, I'm sure she'll be an overexcited and spoilt little girly! (: xxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  85. I'm so sorry for your loss. Nineteen years should seem like a long time, but its not really. It must seem like all of this happened just yesterday. Your mum is looking down on you and your little family. Don't think for one second she isn't sharing in every happy event and holding your hand when you are sad. It is a testament to your mother, that though you knew her so briefly-she was able to make such a great impact on your heart that will last the rest of your life. You still remember the amazing love that she shared with you and memories that will always last. And most important-in that short time of seven years, she was able to show you what a real mother really is. And now you are using that to be an amazing mother to Darcy. So yes, in a way, your mother is holding little Darcy through your arms. I love you to bits Lovely Louise. Because of the amazing woman you are, I have no doubt in my heart that Diana Jane Pentland was a wonderful mother, wife, and friend to those she loved. Love and hugs to you today Louise...much much much love. Thank you for sharing your life with us Louise. You are inspiring many lives.

    ReplyDelete
  86. What a beautiful post. Can understand exactly where you're coming from. It was the 6 year anniversary of my Mum's death on Sunday. I am dreading all the things you mentioned, I am only 20 so haven't experienced a wedding or birth without a mother but I think/worry about it far too often. I suppose it just won't get any easier but I am sure your baby will be so proud of you when she grows to understand and the thing your mother would want the most, I am guessing, is for you to be the best mum you possibly could be! Thinking of you on such a sad day. Stay strong xx

    ReplyDelete
  87. Beautifully written, my mum also passed away 15 years ago so I know exactly how you feel. It does somewhat get easier with time but the heartache and emptiness never fully disappears. This is really inspiring and you are so strong, thinking of you and your family. And no matter what, your mum will always be watching over you smiling and brimming with pride for all the amazing things you have achieved. xx

    ReplyDelete
  88. I was so sorry to read this, sorry that you lost your mother and that you had to write this. I wish that this post didn't exist and that instead you were on the phone right now telling your mum about something cute that Darcy did. I can only try (and fail) to imagine what it must have been like to loose your mother, but I don't think anyone would ever expect you to "move on" completely. It's not a relationship that didn't work out, it's a terrible, terrible loss that I wouldn't wish upon anyone in the world.
    I do thank you, however, for sharing this post with us and sharing with us the wonderful person that raised you so well for the years that she could. We have her to thank that we get to read you lovely posts and smile while watching your videos and Darcy has her to thank that she too has such a wonderful mummy (you get some of the credit too, of course!)
    The poem is lovely. :)
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  89. So so sad. But I'm sure you can fill the hole for your little baby. She don't have her gandmother but she have the best mom in the world.
    Kisses.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Sweetheart this has just had me in tears!! So much love for you, you're doing an amazing job & I'm sure you're making your mum very proud!

    Keep smiling lovely, I absolutely love your blog/vlog & all your tweets, you seem like such a genuine lovely person :)

    Have a lovely Christmas xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  91. This is has honestly made me have silent tears come down from my eyes :( hugs Louise :)

    i'd hate to loose my mum, after her being through a tough time in bad relationship, never want her out my life, i think people take certain relationships for granted, i.e mum/daughter relationship, but i will always love my mum.

    She's probably enjoying eating all the food she likes without worrying about any calories haha :)

    Stay strong, keep smiling & be the bestest mum to Baby Glitter/Darcy, such a wee cutie :D
    Merry Christmas & a happy new year :D
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  92. Your mum would be so proud of you and Darcy. Maybe it's an idea to have a special diary that you can write to her in xx

    ReplyDelete
  93. What a beautiful and sad post. I'm thinking of you. Your mom is watching you and your sweet daughter from above <3 Sending you thoughts & love.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Wonderful but sad post... All the best for you and happy Christmas! Your mum is watching you!


    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  95. Wonderful post, Louise. Your mum will ALWAYS be with you and watching you and your family. She's in great hands, Jesus' and God's hands. Take care, thanks for the post and have a very merry Christmas! xx

    ReplyDelete
  96. What a lovely post Louise. Christmas must be a very tough time of year for you and I really am thinking of you. Your Mum would be extremely proud of who you are and I know she will be looking down on you and Darcy and wishing she could be there to share those precious moments with you both. Remember, for as long as you live, your Mum will live on through you and in your memories - If you keep those memories alive, your Mum will never be gone.

    When you lose someone you love, you gain an angel that you know <3

    Merry Christmas to you, Matt and Darcy. I hope Baby Glitter has a fantastic first Christmas! (I'm sure she will!) x

    ReplyDelete
  97. You're really brave to of written that. Your Mom will be so proud of everything you've done!XO

    www.thestyletreaty.com

    ReplyDelete
  98. This has moved me to tears, i've never spoken to you on here before but I literally want to give you a hug :(. You are soooo brave for sharing this, i'm currently not on speaking terms with my own mother due to a major arguement but i'm going to text her noww andd ask her how she is, I hope you have a fabulous christmas and your mother will be watching over you all, the best angel at the top of your tree xxxx
    http://thenaturalhairgrowthexpert.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  99. My Mums anniversary is in January and will be 15years, its not easy and i can appreciate how you feel!
    It looks like ur an amazing mother to baby glitter and i hope you have a great Christmas knowing that yours is watching over you all!! x

    ReplyDelete
  100. Your mum will be so so proud of you Louise, you are an amazing mummy, friend, wife, sprinklearino amazing everything!! You know what a difference you made to me and how grateful both I and my girls are to you, your mum will be proud of you for that too :) Have a very lovely christmas Louise, I hope you, Matt and Darcy (and other family you have over) have a fabulous day. Thinking of you and sending all my love always, Zoe xxx

    ReplyDelete
  101. This was such a lovely post :) you are amazing Louise. Your mum would be so proud of you. I really love the poem too xx

    ReplyDelete
  102. what a wonderful and brave post. Your mum would be so proud of you Louise and your beautiful baby girl.

    Baby glitter looks exactly like you did as a baby :)

    Hope you have a lovely christmas
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  103. This was a beautiful but heart-wrenching blog post. Thank you for sharing this with us, you know your sprinklerinos will always love you and support you when times are a bit poop! I'm sure Baby Glitter will be told plenty of stories of your mum from you, your dad and your auntie :) and Baby Glitter is literally the spitting image of you as a baby! Have a wonderful Christmas, Watson family :) xxx

    ReplyDelete
  104. aww louise this made me cry so much. Thank you for sharing it with us and all of us know your mum would be so proud and watching down on both you and darcy and every special event that happens in your life.

    I lost my nan round this time last year before she ever got to meet my little girl and i will always tell her what an amazing woman she was.

    I hope you all have a great christmas and a fab new year!

    xxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  105. I read your blog constantly yet I have never posted before, but after reading this I couldn't help but tell you... I welled up so much reading this, what a beautiful post, so honest. Darcy is an absolutely gorgeous baby (all of your photos and videos of her make me SO broody!!) I am sure your Mum would have been so proud and I hope despite this sad time you are able to have a wonderful first christmas with your baby girl:)

    ReplyDelete
  106. Louise this is absolutely lovely. I lost my mum just over 4 years ago. 19 years may seem like a long time but she'll always still be here for you. You've made me feel as if i'm not the only one which worries about these things. Although you have already gone through a lot of the main steps in your life (even though i'm sure there's still tons to come!) it shows me I have to be positive. I always get upset thinking that my mum isn't going to be here for my wedding or to see me children. You truly are such a lovely person Louise and your Mum would be so proud of you for everything you've done and how great of a Mum you are to Darcy. I'm sure she will be looking down on you smiling.
    Thank you so much for posting this Louise. Although it may not have been very easy to talk about (i find it extremely hard to talk about these things) it was really heart-warming and lovely hearing you talk about your Mum. Darcy is so lucky to have a Mum like you. Hope you, Darcy and Matt have a lovely Christmas and a great New Year!xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  107. This post has really touched me Louise, I know what it feels like to lose someone and I can't tell you how inspiring you are. I don't know your mum but I am certain she would be so proud of you and the amazing person and mother you have become. Darcy is the luckiest baby in the world. Merry Christmas to you and your family xxx

    ReplyDelete
  108. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Darcy is beautiful Louise, your Mummmy is a very proud Nanny looking down on you. Have a lovely Christmas, sending lots of love xxx

    (I deleted the above by accident) x

    ReplyDelete
  110. Sweet Louise, your mother is always going to be with you, she gives you strenght and watches over your family.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Dear lovely Louise, what a touching post. My heart goes out to you! May God comfort you and bless you always. Merry Christmas! xx Lexi

    ReplyDelete
  112. This is so sad :( I hope you have a lovely Christmas with Darcy, your Mum would be so proud! :)



    http://lucyywrites01.blogspot.com
    Lucy x

    ReplyDelete
  113. louise, your mum would be so proud of you for how lovely, funny, beautiful and just amazing you are and how your raising such an amazing daughter! i know have you feel, it's my first christmas without my nan who passed away in february and i shed a little tear every now and then. the poem really choked me because that's how my nan left and i never got to say goodbye properly, but i know she's looking down on me and loves me, which i know your mum will be doing for you. so although it's not easy have a very very merry christmas with baby glitter, matt and the rest of your sprinkle of glitter family! love courtney xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  114. I literally just stumbled upon your blog for the very first time and this is one of the very first posts I read. It's so well written and heart felt, it made me tear up a bit. I'm so sorry you don't have your mom (or "mum" as you lovely people in the UK say) around to watch your daughter grow up with you, but I'm sure she's watching from heaven. I know that sounds so cliche and you probably hear stuff like that often but I really believe it's true!

    You have a wonderful blog, I'm definitely subscribing. Merry Christmas to you <3

    ReplyDelete
  115. Louise,

    I know you mom would be soo very proud of you and all you have accomplished so far and that is to come. She is looking down on you and Matt and Darcy and watching over ye. xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  116. My darling Lou, I've only just caught up with this post.

    She would be so very proud, and that poem brought me to tears. She'd look at all your accomplishments as a grown woman, and wish she had been here to see you through all the good and bad times.

    We'll have to have a lush style catch up at some point!! xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  117. Such a sweet post , she would be proud of you all the best for 2012 xx

    ReplyDelete
  118. This post made me cry! You're so strong and I'm sure your Mum would be so proud of you and who you have become. Lots of hugs xxx Amy xxx

    www.serendipitybeaityblog.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  119. This is so heartfelt, I can't imagine how this all feels for you! Your baby is lucky to have you and I'm sure your mum would be so proud! x x

    www.stylesocoy.com

    ReplyDelete
  120. this post made me cry so much ... so warming and heartfelt, my mam also had cancer and had a tough battle but im lucky shes still here, and i cherish that, you are so brave and im sure shes looking down on you now, watching your every move and feeling proud of you :)

    bideyourtime.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  121. This touched me, I lost my Mum in May 10, and I've unfortunately got all of the marriage and baby thing to come but have always been dreading it as i knew Mum would never be there. Having read what you just wrote, that could have been me who wrote it, it was like reading how I felt. It's sometimes nice to see your not alone. xx

    ReplyDelete
  122. I lost my mum last year and I still cry everyday. It breaks my heart that if I have kids or get married she won't be there to see it.

    I just hope I make her proud!

    ReplyDelete
  123. I lost my dad when i was 9 years old. We have the first verse of that poem on his headstone, and will always remind me of him! I'm sure your mum is so proud of you and is looking down at you with a smile on her face xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  124. This post genuinely brought me to tears. That poem is so beautiful and you are a lovely person with a beautiful family. Your Mother will be extremely proud of you for being an amazing, colourful, beautiful person and even more proud of you for being an amazing star of a mother. x

    sffhcks.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  125. I've never read something quite as amazing as this. I myself lost my Dad 2 months ago and I'm 18, and I can't begin to imagine how I'm going to feel 20 years down the line.. having had the "Dad I passed A-level and I'm going to go to uni!" or the "I finished Uni!" Or even "I'm getting married" because the idea of not having him walk me down the isle makes me feel sick to my teeth. If anything reading posts like this makes me overcome my own sadness because I know I'm not alone even though I feel like I'm swimming in shark infested waters.
    Thank you for making it easier, even by this simple post.


    God bless your mother, she may not be here now but even by the short time she had with you, she influenced the most remarkable girl who is now herself the most remarkable mother.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Sitting in my bed feeling very emotional with tears streaming down my face, when you talk about baby glitter not having her grand mother reminds me how much I miss my own grand parents!! You are doing amazing raising job raising your daughter!! You are an huge inspiration to me :) and I would love to grow up to me just like you (if I were that lucky) lots of love from Liverpool, Sarah xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  127. THIS MUST BE A SAD MOMENT IN LIFE FOR YOU AND YOUR FAM. I CANT IMAGINE WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE THE POEM MADE ME CRY ITS MUST BE SO HARD GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAM PS YOUR A GRATE MOM SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PROUD

    ReplyDelete
  128. Agh the tears began when I finished reading the name of this post.. Louise this truly touched me, you're a beautiful woman and an amazing mother. I'm positive your mum is looking down on you and the life you've created and proud as ever to have called you her daughter.. Much love.. Xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  129. Thank you for writing this. I lost my Dad 25th November 2011 and although it's still very raw, reading posts like this shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I often think about my wedding day and the Dad shaped image missing in it but I'm not the only one who experiences this and I was luck enough to have him in my life for 20 years, knowing that he loved me with every inch of his being. I know you're usually a very happy go lucky blogger but this was a big help. Thank you xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  130. this made me cry. she would be so proud of you.
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  131. Absolutely beautiful. God bless your heart!

    ReplyDelete
  132. You are just so strong! You are a great inspiration and such a great role model! God Bless you, and your family! Keep on going as strong and beautiful as you have always been! Xx

    ReplyDelete
  133. Our situation is not the same, but I lost my beloved grandmother, and when I am spending time with little new additions to our family, I ask Jesus that He would tell my grandmother about the blessings/events of the day that she couldn't witness or hear from me personally. And I hope that He will allow her peep or two, so she can see herself...

    ReplyDelete
  134. This brought tears into my eyes. I feel very sorry for you, Louise.. I bet your mother would be proud of you, what you've achieved and what your life has become up to this point. I wish you and your family a beautiful christmas. Remember your mother looking over you, she will be there celebrating with you. You're a very strong woman Louise. All the love.

    ReplyDelete
  135. I cried. I love you so much Louise (': <3

    ReplyDelete
  136. I can't believe that i was able to get my Husband back who left me and followed another woman, When he left me i almost took my life because i loved him so much and i never believed that he would have done this to me, but i am so happy that the world have people like Dr. Lawrence who can use his powers through the act of spell casting to reunite broken marriage and relationship. I actually came to realize this when i saw his email address online and contacted him and to my surprise i was able to get my husband back within 24hours. I must say that through Dr. Lawrence my problem was solved. You can contact him through this details Drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com for help............

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for comment!
Sprinkleofglitter xxx

 photo newer.jpg  photo older.jpg  photo homebot.jpg