Merry Monday mon petite lovelies. So far, the Monday Insights feature has been really positively received so I'm happy about that. If you are not sure what this whole shibang is about, HERE is the original post to help you understand and join in.
Once again, I have narrowed it down to 15 questions so that this doesn't become too long and you don't miss your bus stop/get into trouble with your boss for reading blogs for too long!
Last week I gave you the topic PHYSICAL APPEARANCE and here are the questions you asked -
I know we all have days where we hate our bodies, but what are some steps I can take to learning how to love my shape and accepting it?
Find a style of clothing that suits your body. For example, if I tried to wear disco pants and crop tops I think I would feel pretty down in the dumps. Give me a skater skirt and a scoop necked top though and I feel great. Once you work out which shapes of clothing suit the shape of your body, life feels a lot better.
What are some good ways to look presentable when you are feeling lazy or are short on time?
My biggest trick is dry shampoo, hair in 'messy' bun (oohh yeah, did that mess on purpose baby), sheer black floaty shirt over a black cami top (hides a multitude of sins), skinny jeans and pumps. You instantly look 'together' and it was minimal effort. If you have time, a swipe of liquid liner and pink lipstick will go far. Good luck!
I was wondering if you ever find yourself comparing yourself to everyone else - your friends, celebrities, random people on the street - and if you do, how do you stop yourself before it becomes super negative?
Absolutely! I think everyone does. When I find myself doing it excessively i remind myself that we are DIFFERENT. Whilst we are all human woman (unless you're a man obv) we are not all clones. My friend Zoe and I are both women in our twenties with a passion for clothes and makeup but we have completely different tastes, styles and shapes. Rather than looking at her and thinking, 'I wish I could be that petite/have blue eyes/have such a pea head (lol)', I think, 'yes Zoe is all of those things but I am a whole set of other things. I have green eyes and a great bum and a lovely hourglass shape and am sooo modest haha'. My point is, it's OK to be your set of things. Value what you are, don't wish you could be what someone else is.
How do you start loving yourself and build confidence when appearance is important in today's social life and your personality doesn't pop up in order to make the appearance less important?
I think by taking the time to stop feeling the pressure of the media and are self imposed rules and love yourself as a person. Once you let go of all of that then you are free to see all your beauty. It's a tricky one I know and something I have spent quite a few years working on. I'm glad twitter, facebook and tumblr weren't around in my teen years.
Everyone around me (friends, family etc) want me to change my physical appearance and become more attractive so that, according to them I can "get a boyfriend". I'm not particularly interested in boys and want to focus on school, how can I get them off my back?
Tell them firmly and maturely that you don't currently place importance on finding a boyfriend and ask them to respect your choices. If they aren't mature enough to do that, ignore them. Easier said than done I know but don't engage in conversations about it and try to leave situations (ie physically walk out of the room) that bring it up. You sound like a really smart person to me.
My Mum wants me to get fitted for a bra soon, is it really as awful as it sounds?
Nope, not at all, but I understand your fears. Wanna know something crazy? I was so afraid to be fitted that the first time I allowed someone to measure me was 6 months ago. That's after 14 whole years of bra wearing, including a pregnancy!!! It was honestly so fine, NOT embarrassing and now I wear good bras and feel great. Let your Mum take you and get it done.
Do you ever feel pressured to look good? I often feel under pressure to look the best!
Yes, so much. In the last few months I have actually felt so pressured that on a few occasions I snapped. I feel like TV, media and even YouTube portray and unrealistic ideal towards woman that suggests to be successful we must be ALWAYS preened and beautiful. Do I really NEED to wear makeup to do my weekly grocery shop? No. Of course not, but have found myself doing a full face of makeup 'just in case'. The pressure became so great that I actually started cancelling going places (spur of the moment) because I felt I didn't look nice enough. How insane!
I now force myself to have 'days off' and embrace the fact that I am free to be exactly how I want. If that means wearing a hoodie and no makeup, go me! If that means looking totally glammed up, yay for that choice to. The important thing is that it is a CHOICE and not something I or you feel OBLIGED to do. Success is choosing your own way.
Do you ever have those days when you just feel fat/ugly/horrible? Do you have any tips on how to cope with those days?
Doesn't everyone? I cope by knowing that they are just a state of mind, not a fact and that those feelings will pass.
I've never worn make up and people always tell me I'm weird. I don't have any idea how to put it on or anything, because I don't have anyone in my family who wears make up.. they're mostly boys haha. But sometimes I think I don't fit in, so should I start wearing it to fit in and not get tons of mean comments about how weird I am???
This is entirely up to you. What I will say though is that you are not 'weird' for not wearing makeup. The people telling you that are 'weird' for thinking it. I also understand how you feel about having nobody to teach you as I was in the same position as a young person. IF you do decide to try makeup out, why not ask a nice friend (not one that calls you weird) to come and help you look round the drugstores and pick out a few easy bits. Lipgloss and mascara are good starts.
Please only wear makeup if you want to.
Are there/have there been people in your life or around you that thought negatively about your appearance? How do you deal with it?
My Dad has only in the last couple of years stopped making comments about my weight. He hates the fact that I'm plus size and would be overjoyed if I lost a few stone. I deal with it two ways. Firstly, I know he does it out of love. He worries that it is unhealthy to be bigger and would like me to lead the healthiest life possible (and really, he's right). Secondly, I told him that by making constant comments, I didn't motivate me to loose weight, it only created horrible feelings and resentment. You will never be perfect to everyone (not even your own parents sometimes) but by thinking logically (although it's often hard to remove the emotion from things regarding your appearance) and being honest with them, you can lessen the issue.
If it is people you don't know saying rude or negative things, ignore them. You are not obliged to take on board every opinion you hear.
Most adolescent girls have hang up about their appearance, I know I did, and probably still do. If you could go back and say something to your teenage self, regarding your appearance, what would you say?
"You are not as fat as you think you are. The mary-jane shoes look great on you but the baby pink cropped trousers don't. Stop over plucking your eyebrows and enjoy having super pert boobs- motherhood is round the corner!"
I'm underweight and it just runs in my genes , but people are always saying I have an eating disorder like anorexia / bulimia , that I look sick, or something along those lines. I am perfectly healthy ( the doctor always says so ) and I eat a lot ( more than most of my friends ). How can I cope with this? Or what do I say / how should I react when others call me out like that?
Tell them exactly what you just told me, it runs in your genes and you are perfectly healthy. I'd also add on, 'so please mind your own business' haha. My friend Zoe is very slim and has the same problem so I empathise. She is constantly having to fight off, 'ohmigod you're so thin' comments which to her, are as offensive as calling a bigger person 'fat'. I think just explain to people that you are fine and healthy and hope that they eventually get the message. As long as you know you're alright, that's all that matters.
Did you find it a struggle in the early days of your relationship with Matt to be totally open in a physical sense? Even the likes of getting changed in the same room - did you do that awkward changing dance of trying to do it so no one see's?
Ooooohhh that's a toughie. The answer is no because I have always been VERY comfortable with Matt but in the days pre-Matt when I had other boyfriends- yes! I basically just did all my changings in bathrooms to avoid the awkward modesty dance!
I have quite long sideburns and I'm a really impatient person so I don't know whether I should grow them out or not. Is there any easy painless way of at least making them seem less obvious?
May I just ask you to google image 'Kelly Kapouski'. She was one of the lead roles in a 1990's teen programme and ermihgerd she rocked sideburns. She is a hair queen. Hope that was helpful!!
People constantly comment on how beautiful my sister is and it makes me feel really awful, any tips?
Find all the things that make you beautiful (inside as well as out) and focus on them. Also, you share the same genes as your sister so I bet you are beautiful too :)
I hope some of those answers proved useful or amusing to you and that some of you have seen your questions replied to! If yours wasn't included, I'm ever so sorry and hope that it is next week.
For Monday Insights #5, our topic will be....
This is your chance to ask me anything you like regarding my experiences of Motherhood. I will say ahead of time that I am in no way a 'Motherhood Expert' and I don't believe that just by giving birth you are automatically an authority on the topic, it's just something I have a lot of personal opinions on and something that features pretty heavily on this blog. So, ask away!
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