Never blog in anger. A classic tip that I happily dish out to discerning new bloggers and one that I had to remind myself of yesterday after I (very eloquently, I might add) wrote about feeling so very stung by someone.
After a while, I realised that they hadn't hurt me, I'd let myself be hurt. You have a choice. You can choose to take onboard what other people say or you can choose to simply hear but not listen.
I don't like to use my blog or social media in general as a space to moan or begrudge, I prefer instead to use it as a highlights reel of my life, a place to share the good, offer encouragement and provide relatable inspiration for anyone who finds themselves looking for it.
Some of you might feel the same way as I do at the moment and so I thought it might be nice to talk about it and discuss the ways we can deal with it.
I feel really inadequate.
I feel almost inadequate to admit that I feel inadequate. I feel like it's weak to say that I don't feel good enough. I don't quite know why I feel like this at the moment because by all accounts, everything is going fine. I'm healthy, my home has just been decorated, my Daughter is a dream and business is booming, but still, I don't feel like I'm fulfilling what I should.
I feel like my blog should tackle better topics or that I should care more deeply for relevant subjects. I mean, I only learnt about feminism last year! Until then I just thought it had basically been solved and that woman had equal rights and we can achieve our goals and yadda yadda.
I feel like maybe I should be making videos that aren't about the 'fluff' that I usually chitchat to you about. I feel like maybe I should see the world and take in some culture or do something impressive or learn about something very complex or just do something that someone will say, 'Oh did you hear about what Louise did?'.
I have always enjoyed writing blog posts about little bits of babyhood that please me or trinkets that I have found and thought were pretty- you know, the sweet moments of life that are to be treasured but aren't exactly earth shattering. I enjoy making videos about new clothes and shiny lipsticks and fun hair accessories. I don't know how to do special camera work and I don't know what makes a good edit. I'm not on the cutting edge of journalism. I'm not really a 'cutting edge' person haha.
Does this make me inadequate? I'm starting to feel a tiny bit like it does.
I promise you this isn't a pity party and a desperate bid for you all to feed my ego and stroke my hair (although the latter is always welcome), it's just a sad (and hopefully misguided) little realisation that maybe the things that I do are not as respected as I thought they were.
With all that in mind, and because I like to find a positive (I'll always find one dammit, no matter how dire a situation), I've decided to make this week's Motivational Monday about doing what you love.
I'm not fully feeling it myself yet but I'm aiming to consider it all week long and will get back to you on Monday with the verdict.
Do what makes you happy. Some people are made happy by travelling the world with only a diana camera (no memory cards for them, they are far too earthy for that) and a pair of fair trade sandals. Some people are happy spending their money on photo frames and makeup brushes. Some people (I'd say most) are happiest somewhere in the middle and all of those places are OK.
This week, your homework is to do all the things that make you happy and be happy in those choices. You can choose everything in your life. You can choose what you do, who you spend time with and who's opinions you take on board.
I realise today has been a little all over the place, it's a mirror image of my mind at the moment. Apologies.
This is the part where I encourage you to talk in the comments and usually I ask specific leading questions. Today I don't have any specifics, I'm all wobbly and confused like a drunk squirrel. Run wild and free and write whatever you like! I love you a lot and know it will be excellent.